ftl ✅ @ftl@awoo.space

what do you call a double agent on helium

a high-frequency traitor

what do you call a spice merchant

a high piquancy trader

I was about to start my machine when a man suddenly appeared in the lab.
"I come from the future," he said.
More people appeared as he spoke.
"Are you here to stop me?" I asked.
"No, to witness."
Proud, I turned back to my machine, then heard a whisper:
"This bit is hilarious!"
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

"My insolent son fell into a volcano near the Slovakian capital"

"Bratislava?"

"Probably is by now, yeah."

Jaz-Michael King: Creating a new online community for Wales, Tŵt

https://parallel.cymru/toot/

https://mastodon.social/media/uzXcE9MJx1sHut2aCgQ

Repeating a toot from earlier:

I want to run for government. If anyone has any resources to help me get my foot in the door that would be incredible.

I don't *want* to be in charge, I just know that I have the spoons to actually deal with the bullshit and want to fight for our rights and someone has to do it. And I know that goal is enough reason to do it for me.

Please feel free to share and send ideas. Help me figure shit out.

https://todon.nl/media/y_qpxlOtheMBBp1lCz0

Workplace health and safety...

I wonder why stories about telepathy aren't...
I lose the train of thought, and sit blinking for a moment. Then I read my notes, smile, and record another succesful experiment. It is perfectly reproducible - think about mind control, and...
What was I thinking about?
#MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

a S-curve-y dog

Gender Relations In Consumer Culture, The Photograph

except the trick is this photograph is also an artifact of consumer culture

https://www.allure.com/story/suave-bs-hair-ads-tricks

CLARIFICATION TO MY VALUED CUSTOMERS:

I am not now, nor have ever been, 'morally bankrupt'.

I did accept $500 million of moral venture capital in third-round moral fundraising, and yes that does mean I have certain obligations to my moral shareholders.

tldr, it is a complete coincidence that I'm pivoting toward the lucrative 'hold the world hostage with a laser moon cannon' market, and I hope that you all join me in this exciting next stage of our startup's mission to rethink pizza warming

Roses evolved 35 million years ago. We know because we've found fossils!

There are about 150 species of rose, growing all across the Northern Hemisphere, and humans have been growing them for about 5000 years. The practice probably started in Ancient China, before spreading to Ancient Persia, where damask roses were first bred – named after the city of Damascus in Syria.

The Persians also first developed methods for obtaining rose water and rose absolute, for flavourings and fragrances.

snakes are the ultimate life form

- long
- go ssssss
- sit under a lightbulb

The traveler came across a pancake maker by the roadside, and was invited for a meal. The pancakes were tossed high in the evening air, and the traveler noticed that every seventh disappeared.
"Where do they go?"
"To the bats."
"They eat pancakes?"
"No! For adoption."
#Cassoland #MicroFiction #TootFic #SmallStories

It's my birthday can I get more people to use Mastodon or whatever

https://twitter.com/williamhanson/status/1087106064858972160

<<Either there’s a @Netflix glitch or @MarieKondo’s methods have escalated. >>