The gyre widens.

I wish I had more time, although that's sort of greedy. I got nearly two years out of this combination of meds. And they're the objectively sanest I've been in the last five or more years. I've even been affable and pleasant.

But the center cannot hold. I'm shedding things that used to bring me joy, looking places I shouldn't for contact.

Time to adjust the moodmeds again. Time to start something new, find out which side effects apply, which interactions occur.

Again.

I know it's a privilege to bitch about being able to do this. To take my psych up on their suggestion that it's time to replace one med with another, see what happens. Some of the cost swallowed by insurance. A specialist who is actually interested in my progress, or at least holding what ground I can.

But. Midnight, alone, with a week of work ahead of me, and another 40 years of trying to stay one step ahead of this air-braking orbital path...

Sometimes I get tired of being in here.