Since a lot of people don't know about it, I'm gonna talk briefly about dissociation.

Dissociation is a feeling of being separated from the world or from yourself. It comes in a lot of different flavors that are all related but manifest in distinct ways.

It's actually really common. Dissociation usually arises in response to trauma, especially long-lasting or repeating bad situations in childhood. Basically, the mind protects itself by distancing itself from traumatic circumstances.

There's a few main forms.

Dissociation most broadly feels like you're separated from the world, or like events are happening to somebody else. For me, it's like looking at the world through a periscope.

Derealization is feeling like you or the world isn't real. For me it feels like reality is a painting, or imaginary, or somehow not there.

Depersonalization is feeling like your actions and your consciousness are separated, like your body is an automaton and you're just watching.

Dissociative identity is another form, where your mind splits into different parts as a way of compartmentalizing trauma. (Note -- not all multiple systems are traumagenic, but it's probably the most common cause.)

For people not aware that this is going on, it usually presents as sudden dramatic shifts of mood or affect. Different parts not sharing memory is also common, so you might have blocks of missing time.

These are all super broad, overgeneralized overviews. How things actually feel or manifest can be really individual.

But basically, if you feel kinda brainfogged all the time, or have trouble remembering stuff, or feel like the world is imaginary or really far away, or like you're never really present in the world around you... that might be dissociation.

Another way of describing it: It's like that distant, kinda-floaty feeling caused by a lot of drugs, but without any of the fun parts.

If you've ever had nitrous oxide (either recreationally or for dental work), it's a dissociative anesthetic so that's a bit of what it feels like.

Amusingly, nitrous apparently does *nothing* for me.

Anyway, I want to say again that though dissociation is most commonly the result of trauma, that isn't always the cause.

Though, if you dissociate, looking into possible causes (carefully, potentially with the help of a therapist) might not be an awful idea.

This is a super rough overview. It's okay if any of y'all want to come at me with questions, though keep in mind I'm not an expert.

@starkatt it suddenly (like, just now) occurred to me that I keep saying "I didn't have anything particularly traumatic in my childhood, I just have a lifelong depressive disorder" and not... making that connection. I know I had the depressive disorder as a child; that would count as an *extremely* traumatic situation. just because it was inside my head doesn't mean it wasn't real and didn't fuck up my life. :/