Re: Sexuality in Communities
@indi And to bring @literorrery back into this discussion (in part to help save my hands from the typing, if you'll forgive me ^^;), that is where I feel this script helps to illustrate a problem.
Steps 1-3 are common knowledge, but asexuals and those not interested in sex have no place in this 3 step program to deepening relationships. Without a well established Step 4b to fall back on, non-sexual relationships fall into limbo.
Re: Sexuality in Communities
@literorrery @indi
"But communication solves that problem!"
Yes, but this is a situation in which the person you spent time with was one of many you met and spoke to; you might not have their contact info, and your last interaction with them was rejecting their advances. That sounds like a lot of emotional labor with a low chance of anything positive resulting from it.
So that conversation doesn't happen.
Re: Sexuality in Communities
The next time you see that person is in a community space. You're still fond of them, but they're getting close with other people and you don't want to disturb them.
After this has happened to you a couple of times (or variants of it in which step 2 is avoided because step 3 isn't on the table), getting close and cuddly with folks starts to feel like something that sexual folks do.
Feeling othered from community events isn't a far cry from here.
Re: Sexuality in Communities
@mawr @literorrery
If I may think out loud a bit here, I'm wondering how other folks affected by this would feel about some method of... I hate to call it "early disclosure" but I'm at a loss for another meaning. I ask because this relates to my current apparent coping mechanism (pre-emptively occupying myself otherwise) and also what I keep trying to do with varying levels of success (talk openly and empathetically about my own preferences)
Re: Sexuality in Communities
@mawr @literorrery I'd like to think we could build a culture where it's welcomed and accepted for these sort of negotiations about preferences to happen early and often, and maybe even ambiently. I've joked before about having a "postfurry hanky code" or "exocosm wixxx" and that's coming to mind again.
Re: Sexuality in Communities
@indi @literorrery Jokes aside, That... is an interesting idea that's at the very least worthy of more consideration.
Re: Sexuality in Communities
@mawr I can apply some DESIGN to this problem. ;)
Re: Sexuality in Communities
@mawr @literorrery There's admittedly a lot of potential for front-loading of emotional labor there too (see also why I haven't really been able to do this better) but I wonder if that's necessarily so.