So I've decided to take a two-week t-break, because...well, I rely way too much on pot to handle my anxiety. It's really one of the only things that can remove it completely, and when you're in an elevated state of worry ALL THE TIME any relief you get is...addictive.

But it also makes it a lot harder for me to actually get stuff done. Writing tends to stall, so I never get ahead on projects or start new ones, and the various ways I try to stay organized and productive end up slipping. Besides, it's just bad practice to seek out altered states that take you away from the present moment this much.

What the break is doing is forcing me to confront a lot of the uncomfortable parts of my life that I was numbing myself against and finding a way to make better peace with them. It's more difficult, but it's absolutely worth doing. What sucks is the insomnia.

Had my worst bout of it last night and ended up getting maybe four hours of sleep. Today I'm slow and distracted, but also I accept that. ;) I just wish I had remembered to take melatonin to combat that. I do think that I might have some level of psychological addiction to pot, which sucks because I love using it. But I also know that I have trouble moderating myself with the things that I fall hard with, and I worry that the only way to have a healthy relationship to pot is to not have a relationship at all.

This is day 5. The cravings are weaker, at least, so that's good. But the weekend will be a real test.