Jakebe T. Drake-Lope @jakebe@awoo.space

Mom's decline and the media coverage of Kyle Rittenhouse's trial are really just the best combination for wanting to crawl under the bed and never come out again.

#bedgremlins

Having a bad brain/low spoon day, so apologies for being quiet in general.

I have to save my precious willpower for work and writing. <3

*watches a murderer pretend to cry on the stand*

Wow, that acting sucks!

You know what else sucks? RACISM.

If you're thinking about doing a racism -- especially with guns -- DON'T.

Instead, try a new hobby!
Enjoy a nice piece of cake!
Or simply don't be a piece of shit!

Any POC who has to deal with racist customers in the line of duty really should get some kind of hazard pay

WOW I did not know the whole Garo Shadowscale thing was THAT crazy, what the cheesy hell

934 words in the first hour-long writing session tonight. I'm a bit behind on the count after a few sucker-punches last week, but I'm not giving up!

Settling in for a bit of worldbuilding and such; I think most of this will be excised or shrunken in the next drafts, though.

So I might be even more spacy and frazzled than I have been, and ask for your patience, and thank you for your support. <3

I'm going to keep trying for NaNoWriMo, but also accept that if things progress I might have to postpone the novel for a bit.

So all of this is hard. Reckoning with my trauma around my upbringing, making peace with the idea I'll never get closure, finding a way to step back enough to see my mom as a whole person and not just...my worst memories of her.

Oh, and the uniquely capitalist hell around death

I wish I could view this as an opportunity to deepen my equanimity, to find compassion for even the most difficult people.

But Mom is a reminder to me of how much I still have to do in order to be the person I want to be.

I can take care of her, but I can't forgive her.

We were never close. And I'm still really angry about the way she treated me and my sister.

But she's nearly 90 now, with dementia setting in and no one else to manage her affairs. Like it or not, I'm all she's got left.

She's exhausting and infuriating, but she's also my Mom

I have a complicated relationship with my Mom. I feel obligated to do for her because she adopted me when she really didn't have to and sacrificed a lot to bring us up.

But she was also an emotionally and physically abusive woman who disowned me when I came out.