So, what's the number up to?

I've fucking lost count. Or I just don't see the point of knowing the number. Cause it's always n+1.

10
1 dies. We film it. We post it, We're heartbroken. We cry, we comment, we protest. The filmers get arrested, harassed, defended, lauded, doxxed, and scrutinized too.

20
Maybe the cop is suspended. Maybe the cop is suspended without pay. Maybe the cop is leave of absence. Maybe the thin blue lie gets a little thicker with silent support, "Charity Balls", and increased budgets that are supposed to increase accountability, but so often get diverted in emergency appropriations for increasing the arsenal militarized hardware for even more violent reprisals against the heartbroken, grieving, and angry people who have had another tally mark added to the score of Them Vs. Us. Maybe the cop is fired. Maybe, possibly, someone, somewhere considers entertaining the possibilities of "what might happen" if there was hope of a rumor of the minuscule chance of a charge being considered to be maybe start the process of filing. Off business hours..

30
And we think. Maybe this time something will finally change. Maybe. Maybe. We hope, we pray. we grow fearful, and paranoid. We constantly move our eyes, sensitized to every possible reaction, flinching every time we hear sirens because we don't know what we're going to hear about in the next hour. Some buy guns. Some buy better phones. Some buy bullet resistant backpacks and teach their children de-escalation drills and body control and making yourself as small and harmless and non-threatening as possible, just because someone with a badge -that same someone I just told you last week you should go find if someone is in trouble, I know what I said, both things are true, baby, I'm sorry- can take offense at your child's appearance and kill them. And we know all the preparation won't be enough. Might not be enough. Could never be enough. And we try. We look into the faces of our kids when they ask us why?

40
And we try to answer. Some say because of jealousy. Some say racism. The devil, history, society all take their turn in living rooms, kitchens, bedroom closets and the safe cabinet under the kitchen counter where you think no one looks for you, but instead everyone knows that's where you go when you don't want to be found. Only coming out when you think everyone has forgotten about you and you can be safe again and your maybe a little hungry and feeling ready to be around people again.

50
GOTO 10