🔶 KLCY AXIOM Prime @kelseyhusky@awoo.space

@fibonacci_reminder *accepts, hugs back* thanks

@mawr Yes. I would be open. But we only have so much cash, and i thought I was past all this. I was feeling just fine this year unless i missed my meds.

But yeah. I would be. It'd be nice finding someone here in the city, cause trying to make it back north after work in time for any appointment would be

hard.

Some days I wake up and struggle to remember why I'm even trying to get out of bed.

I feel tired all the fucking time, no matter how much sleep I get.

It feels like there is shrapnel in my heart. It aches like its been there a while. Maybe it has and I just don't remember when it got there.

And it feels like its all the more noticeable cause of all these hormonal changes that are thrusting me back into one of the most turbulent, formative, and probably traumatic times in my life.

I feel raw and exposed. I have no certainty anymore. I'm frequently high, so I don't trust my own thought chains sometimes, and when I can remember them, they are of thoughts that are not particularly happy, or even sane.

Its hard to trust myself when I know JUST how badly I can screw everything up, even without meaning to.

And every time I try to get some active sensors on this knot of thoughts, like right now, trying to type this all out:

All I can identify is pain. Great, steaming, world-ending arsenals of pain, aimed at myself, with the abort console booby trapped and labeled "You will only end up hurting yourself if you even try to touch this. You have long since removed any hope of restoring yourself and you just have to live with this timebomb of self-destruction that could go off at any time. And if it doesn't, have fun getting old and dying."

I have really shitty handwriting.

And I'm not kind to myself.

Cause...because I still don't know that I deserve it. And despite all my friends and loved ones telling me I do. The Engine just brings up the long ago-solved proof, explaining exactly why in excruciatingly High-Def detail..

Shut up, Kelsey. get back to work. you've fucked around all week.

@orrery ​​oneless

@pillowcat Confirmed Cute!

@mawr I really wish i could believe that. it hurts not believing it. I hate my brain for being stupid and stubborn

My mom keeps sending my boxes full of my old stuff. It makes me tired, trying to remember my life around some of the artifacts I've received.

I've thrown away a lot of it. It's just not really relevant to my life anymore, and I'm never going to be famous or important, so its not like kiddie crap will be valuable to anyone.

I took so many fucking selfies, its not even funny. And this is before we had cell phone cameras. I had to get developed from the lab

According to @mawr I was hot?

@BalooUriza To be fair, that sounds like the exact kind of place i remember the marketing of pogs portraying as a great place to play the game. with your gang of friends battling a different gang of friends. or maybe Im confusing it with BeyBlade. 90-05 is kind of a blur of adolescent turbulence for me.

@BalooUriza that sounds like an awesome place! Nice to know that there are other cool places that have the same name as my house. I feel like I joined an exclusive club or something <^_^>

@fibonacci_reminder These are Pogs. Its a commercialized version of a local game from Hawai'i that was originally played using the cardboard caps off the local mixed drink of Passion Fruit, Orange, and Guava juice that was readily available on the Islands.

Okay, so I was honestly planning on this being longer, but then I realized that its stupid for me to try and summurize knowledge that I've long started forgetting, and upon checking my information, figured out that I didn't even have the full story. So here's the main wiki article:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milk_caps_(game)

All of the pogs in the picture belonged to either me or my mom. I remember teachers in my elementary school trying to "limit" the amount of time kids could play Pogs to Recess. It was part of a Quintilogy of fads that went through my school. The other parts were Yo-Yos, Twin-Stick Yo-Yos a toy that I've only heard referred to as "Devil's Sticks (but they probably have an actual name), and Magic.

Come down to Gateway Station if you want to loose your slammers to the coolest kid in the galaxy

@zx3 Oh! Here I thought you were going for an Eden reference, or telling an Earth origin story.

@orrery Thank you for the link! and also +1. the music in Tetris Effect is sparking beautiful!