This is, incidentally, a big part of why I'm constantly just a little on edge. I read an MLP fanfic once, beautiful work, in which Celestia is trying to have a relationship with Twilight, and Cheerilee confronts Princess Dayflank with the fact that she always acts so removed and distant and it's really annoying. Celestia's response is, "I can never take the tiara off." I've really come to understand that phrase.

As someone with multiple advantages -- mental, financial, structural -- I do my best to remain aware of the ways in which those advantages weird the power dynamics around me, but I often fail, and I'm still as fallible as the next person. Often moreso, because those advantages make realizing that I've screwed up that much harder. I'm often insulated from my mistakes in ways others aren't. I'm not "better" than anybody else, but I often pay less for my failures.

This awareness makes me hesitant in some situations where I'd be outspoken -- "lord help me I'm back on my bullshit again" -- because I don't want to risk throwing my weight around or punching down.That's good, but that holding-back is itself a form of emotional labor. It's work I'm happy to do, but it's still taxing sometimes, and I don't always live up to my standards despite my best efforts.

To those who I've hurt by my failures in this, I'm truly sorry.