community, interpersonal pol
@memnus If the shitty behavior is one that won't get the person doing it kicked out of the community as a whole, then the most effective thing to do is usually de-escalate whatever the conflict is, then figure out what went wrong and help the two rebuild their bridges (including an apology from the person acting shitty).
community, interpersonal pol
@Jssra @memnus@octodon.social a lot of the time, either the behavior isn't intentionally shitty, but a product of botched communications/misfiring defensive habits, in which case external bridge-building can help a lot *nods to Jssra*. if the behavior is intentionally, deliberately shitty, and the community won't do anything about it... then leaving that community is probably the best bet. :/
community, interpersonal pol
@green @memnus@octodon.social @Jssra Even when it _is_ botched communications or misfiring defensive habits, external bridge-building can really only act as a holding action if the parties in question aren't willing or able to close the gap between their respective needs. Sometimes, realizing that a situation _can't_ be "fixed" is the smartest and healthiest option for everyone involved. And that straight-up sucks.
community, interpersonal pol
@literorrery @green @memnus I don't see it as "fixing" the relationship, so much as making sure people don't throw away their own opportunity to do so, before they've had a chance to think about it.
community, interpersonal pol
@literorrery @Jssra @memnus@octodon.social in my experience, when a situation "can't be fixed" usually really means "give it time." which is hard, sad, and difficult, and how much time is impossible to know beforehand, and sometimes it just means that eventually the spackle becomes the wall, "fixed" = "effectively forgotten." and sometimes, the amount of time needed is more than what's available...