- get the most boring of vegetables
- salt it too much
- add poisonous plants with pain receptor chemicals
- wait for the mixture to rot
- now it's awesome
kimchi 
it's kinda funny that to do food canning you have to like, boil every utensil for x minutes, sterilise the lids, make sure you scientifically measure a tried-and-tested recipe that has a guaranteed level of pH and add acidity if necessary or else use a specialised pressure cooker for over 100° temperatures, etc. etc., otherwise you risk immediately dying of botulism with a mystery lurking pathogen that's perfectly indetectable to human senses, looks like nothing, doesn't taste or smell, and has no cure.
and meanwhile to make kimchi it's just like, eeh put salt on the cabbage then tuck it into a jar, it's fine. no don't sterilise anything, we don't use a starter culture it's the random bacteria all over the place that will do the work for us. don't make it too clean lol
(n.b. the kimchi process is perfectly safe; the salt makes it not hospitable to most microbes, like salted food generally, but lactobacilli do well in a salty anaerobic environment, so once you close the jar they quickly multiply and occupy the niche; and these bacteria produce tons of lactic acid, which quickly put it beyond the pH threshold that C. botulinum can survive in.)
me: I wonder how dangerous exactly it is, like, what's the current understanding in practice of the risks of getting botulism from home canning? if only there was some sort of credible institution that provided the public with reliable assessments of various risks 
German Bundesinstitut für Risikobewertung: tja
> Wenn beim Einkochen im klassischen Einmachglas mit Gummidichtring nach dem Einmachvorgang kein Vakuum entstanden ist, sondern sich der Deckel abheben lässt, kann der Einkochvorgang direkt im Anschluss nach Austausch des defekten Deckels bzw. Gummis noch einmal durchgeführt werden. Anderenfalls sollte der Inhalt spätestens innerhalb des Folgetages nach vollständiger Erhitzung auf 100 °C verzehrt werden. Gleiches gilt auch für Twist-off-Gläser, bei denen der Deckel kurz nach der Erhitzung noch flexibel eindrückbar ist.
huh, I did not know of this. it's that simple? like not during the canning process but before consumption. I assumed (wrongly) that the toxins once produced would be inert to cooking
@elilla yeah I think I misunderstood you, sorry, reading is hard sometimes