Like.. I'm good at the sketchy stuff. I can paint, do light, volumes, stuff. But.. Linework, always takes 4x as long as all that for like, 1/4 the result.

And that's.. Obviously tied in with my Dyspraxia. Not everyone's, but.. How mine presents? I absolutely struggle with that kinda motor coordination, and.. Struggling against it, making drawing something I loathe doing for a step that takes longer than the rest combined, just to make it "look good", where "good" means "like everyone else's", pushes me away from doing it at all.

And I kinda internalised all that.. "It's just practice, it's just engaging your shoulder, it's just [other 101 stuff]." And I wanted to make art with crisp, clean lines, when the way I've always drawn has never had crisp, clean lines. It's always.. A democracy of lines, sculpting the line I want from little steps, not this sweeping single motion.

And.. Idk. Spending years getting told that's just a Beginner's Habit, that it's something some people do, but you grow out of as you Develop.. Always made that feel like, 'unworthy' as a way of doing it. Like my art wasn't complete, that it wasn't.. Really making any progress.

But.. Now I consciously reflect on it, I have no time for that. Not being able to make art in the styles I admire is a shame.. But not being able to make it at all is worse- I spend very limited time/energy/pain-threshold resources on fighting how my body does things, and burning myself out doing it other people's way. And I end up hating doing art as a result.

There's no Good Technique in that, nomatter what your shoulder's doing.