listening to a video by Jenny Nicholson on a published(?!) Jeff the Killer fanfiction: https://youtu.be/DRD-CX9Uzwo
thinking: introducing a character is a really intricate process, and the writer really didn't know how to lead all the way through with it.
you get sentences like "she had on a pink shirt, pink skirt, and pink flip-flops" when you should really be describing initial judgements as succinctly and possible, like "she wore pink from head to toe". trim the fat, folks.
the character this brief excerpt describes is a key character in the early story that the main character has known for about a year, so like... ideally she should be putting in a jab or two? like, "in the same glaring shade of pink she wore every day"? from the reader's perspective it's like this person just appeared, in the main character's peripheral and then a year of apparently unreported knife-related assults passes in about two paragraphs, it's really, really ugly writing
