idk. idk. idk. im btwn a rock & a hard place and i think i need to acknowledge that instead of looking for an option that doesnt exist. (that option being a way to break away from my family & current trajectory that does not hurt my relationship with my family in some way)

i also need to like. acknowledge & trust myself in that im really really hurting and a lot of it is because my parents are not very good at being parents and they will not change. im the way i am with them because of the way they have treated me, not because im a nasty brat idiot child

i need to... understand that my thoughts & feelings have legitimacy, weight beyond something that needs to be simply humored. and that dropping out & resuming education another time isn't some kind of ridiculous last resort