idk. idk. idk. im btwn a rock & a hard place and i think i need to acknowledge that instead of looking for an option that doesnt exist. (that option being a way to break away from my family & current trajectory that does not hurt my relationship with my family in some way)

i also need to like. acknowledge & trust myself in that im really really hurting and a lot of it is because my parents are not very good at being parents and they will not change. im the way i am with them because of the way they have treated me, not because im a nasty brat idiot child

i need to... understand that my thoughts & feelings have legitimacy, weight beyond something that needs to be simply humored. and that dropping out & resuming education another time isn't some kind of ridiculous last resort

@hungeeboy i think it's reasonable to say that i have a ton of stuff i havent really unpacked thats happened to me. like young kids & teens are really emotionally equipped to deal with things that happened to me properly

@hungeeboy my parents dont really know about any of it because theyre shits when i tell them anything. and they were part of the problem also

@hungeeboy every time ive mentioned not really wanting to be doing academic shit they use the idea of poverty to threaten me and act like it would be the end of my entire life if i dont get a masters. which is unreasonable