diet dr. nasty @pinkplasticwineglass@awoo.space

my friends don't live around here and there's nowhere to be. i don't like going outside because it's a negative sensory experience. what am i supposed to be doing

my mom thinks i spend too much time on the internet based on like a timechart she drew up and like. i do but also what else am i suppsoed to do lol

i think it's easy to just see the ways in which i am inadequate because i never express anything. it seems like i am just being kind of lackluster due to an overall apathy. i mean i have apathy because im depressed.

i feel like no one understands that my brain and thoughts feel entirely untethered and like i cannot possibly grab & hold onto them all at once. like i have many important things but they're floating away and they slip through when i try to grab them so i am constantly losing things

feel very https://awoo.space/media/PA2Qhv16Ihnpo7CiKPg

last night 1 mom brought her complaints to me and tonight the other has brought her list of complaints to me. nothing is necessarily unreasonable but i feel dejected

my ass just exploded so i assume thats what my mysterious cramps were about last night lol

having precocious knowledge of sexuality and assuming other people around me also did when they didnt -> feeling like a deviant at age 10

i feel scared in general being around people that knew me irl when i was a child. bc i had a lot of behaviors that were very odd that i knew came from sexual trauma. and i dont like that people possibly remember me from this period of time

i really really want a cute guy to hold me and that's just normal

its human nature to want infinite boyfriends

i am gay

math requirements keep me from doing many college things

(realizes i need math for programming) oh yeah

i don't know anything about food preparation but i want to know how and it doesn't seem like a bad prospect

ive been considering going down a culinary route but taking some programming courses should also be useful

i feel like. they would be fine with my shortcomings and proud of my achievements

i feel kind of moody today. about otherkin. i love the people i'm with but i still wish i could have them also you know. i have.. family, children, a friend that followed me from Place to Place, other important friends, a boyfriend and a husband also

idk tomorrow i'll hang out with biff and we'll get toni's

its not as if like.. my behaviors cant be frustrating or counterproductive and i am not beyond criticism. cant finish this post because i want to die