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Food 

Okay so one consolation of being on this coast visiting family is that the food is cheap and pretty darn good and we just ate two lobsters stir fried and a plate of pig intestines for like 25 bucks.

Family, Suicide Mention 

So one of the things that took aggro off people telling me stupid things is that one of my cousins now runs a successful food business and he owes his success to a short appearance on Parts Unknown.

And so of course people started talking about suicide and mental health and let me tell you wow they suck at being good at talking about those things.

But it is over now and also holy fuck yeah he deserves to be on Parts Unknown his food is good.

Family, Depression, Internal Screaming, Fatphobia 

Thanks for the support frens. uwu

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Family, Depression, Internal Screaming, Fatphobia 

Okay so the mental bingo card I prepared for this was way too optimistic for this shit I was just told that I should start smoking so I can lose weight.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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Family, Depression, Internal Screaming 

So hey I'm on a 2+ week trip to visit family and I'm not out to them and it's a week in and I'm fighting off depression with squidgirls and internet and looking at pictures of pride things I didn't get to go to.

Anyway that's why I haven't even been on here silently booping your toot snoots.

Tomorrow I wake up early fucking o'clock to see people I haven't seen for a decade (there's a reason for that) I fucking love this whole thing very much yes.

Cishet Bullshit, Gender Essentialism 

My Instagram feed is now covered in gender reveal party photos from a college friend she is dead to me now.

Like, when you say "gender reveal" it's really "does it look like that our fetus has a penis from this shitty low res ultrasound image" and gender essentialism aside I'm not interested in your unborn fetus's genitals because I'm not some kind of super-pedophile tyvm.

You can tell which of the locals are queer on my Faceboop timeline because the queer ones are going OMG JANELLE MONAE CONCERT and the not queer ones are going OMG MY COMMUTE.

I just watched the emoji movie why did I do that to myself.

Trans Meds 

Testosterone levels are going down again but not yet back to before I started taking spiro mild freakout ahhhhhhh

Suicide Mention (+) 

Okay I'm gonna form a cult.

We'll have an anti-suicide pact where we basically don't commit suicide together or otherwise.

Also we'll have cookies.

You're all invited.

Body Crap, Coping Mechanisms, Food 

I am definitely feeling sore when I press on my chest gently maybe this means boobs are finally growing and I'm so fucking terrified.

So very udderly terrified.

(The puns are coping mechanisms.)

Also I'm stress eating kim chi because it's the only thing in my fridge that isn't tomorrow's lunch or dinner and it burns.

Bathrooms, Peeing 

Seattle Center has a very small number of gender neutral bathrooms and I've been carrying enough around that going into a small stall was hard

And so basically whenever I had to pee at Folklife I just went into the mens room and hiked up my skirt at a urinal.

Like if you didn't want me to do that maybe you should've built some gender neutral restrooms huh?

Okay a few days ago my ex unintentionally reminded me of a Major Trans Problem: the only fiction I have ever had published was published in a collection of poetry and art created by men.

Like the title is gendered and the theme of the anthology is "stuff from men who went to small liberal arts college".

So anyway I don't know how to feel about this right now.

Work Vent 

Why the fuck is "how is the most stressful project you have going?" an acceptable greeting at work?

Kinda haven't posted for a bit. The last couple weeks have been very hard. Gonna try to crawl out of the hole I'm in bit by bit. Part of that I guess is attempting to interact with people again. :3 :3 :3

Depression 

Running through a minefield full of depression and other triggers took everything out of me like who would've expected that???

Um I just got a ticket for the special queer edition/night of the Meetup for Noncreepy People Who Want to Fall in Love thing.

Nothing bad can come out of this, right?

Right?

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