Actionably useful test: if you say something and the only possible responses are to comfort you or sound like a gigantic asshole, you're asking for emotional labor.
It's something I for one need to be a lot more conscious of, especially with the people closest to me.
(this is not a subtoot of anyone or anything, promise)
(this test isn't mine. It was relayed to me by a partner, after I implicitly asked to be comforted at a really inopportune time)