Drugs, sads 

Conversion with myself:
"What would help me feel less shitty?"
"Well, weed."
"... which is a bad idea since a lot of the job openings have a drug test."
"Given that you're stressed because you want to find a new job, that's pretty dang ironic."

sads, mh 

I've been doing more or less Better for most of a year now but every time I have a couple of rough days in a row I fear it's the start of another inevitable slide into a years long depressive pit. That fear actually feels worse than the mood itself.

At least meds make the lows way less crushing.

...but ofc the sticker price on the drug is >$1k/mo so if I ever lose insurance I'm fucked.

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