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@grime_witch@witches.town @benhamill@witches.town They need to get the sense that your love for them was the same before the tantrum, during the tantrum, and after the tantrum, and the tantrum didn't change that even if you had to have a difficult discussion or express disappointments.

@benhamill@witches.town @grime_witch@witches.town Then, once they've gone through the discussion, IMMEDIATELY hug them, tell them the discussion and time out is over, tell them you love them, tell them they're okay and you're proud of them for calming down and learning from their experience, and THEN derail them into a positive interaction with you. You must leave no room for doubt in their mind that, now that the tantrum is over, your opinion of them has not changed.

@grime_witch@witches.town @benhamill@witches.town (BTW Setting up expectations is HUGE, because little kids tend to want to do what is expected of them. Once they know what is expected of them, and you've defined it clearly, they know there will be consequences if they don't follow through.)

@benhamill@witches.town @grime_witch@witches.town Eventually they will calm down and you will have a chance to sit down and speak with them. During this discussion, you have to make sure they understand what exactly they were doing that was unacceptable, what your expectations are going forward, and work with them to come up with ideas for what they can do next time they're in a similar situation. Have them say these things out loud, even if they have to repeat after you.

@grime_witch@witches.town @benhamill@witches.town You can't cave to a tantrum, no matter how tempting it is. They throw tantrums because they know it's unpleasant for everyone and they think you will break before their rage exhausts itself. You have to make it clear that a tantrum is the fastest way to NOT get what they want. For my kids, that means tantrums get them put in "time out" in their room, and they can't come out until they are calm and have sat down and had a discussion with me.

@benhamill@witches.town @grime_witch@witches.town And that means enduring a lot of whining and screaming as you calmly explain that what they're doing is not okay. It sucks and you have to accept beforehand that dealing with the tantrum is an unpleasant but necessary time commitment.

@grime_witch@witches.town @benhamill@witches.town Now let's talk about tantrums.

Tantrums require really keeping your cool and sticking to your guns. Derailing them can seem like the right answer, but when they're having a tantrum your end goal is not, "make the crying stop," it's "make sure they understand this behavior is not acceptable and you will follow through on the stated consequences (time out, no TV/Wii U, etc.)."

@benhamill@witches.town @grime_witch@witches.town This is easier said that done. It requires a lot of patience and flexibility in your approach. You can derail them here as well, but sometimes it involves saying, "This is not a big deal," and ignoring the whining until they realize that whining for attention isn't nearly as fun as literally anything else.

@grime_witch@witches.town @benhamill@witches.town Discipline yourself to stay cool, explain calmly that there are alternatives and other options to get around the problem they're having now, and guide them to help themselves out of the feeling.

@benhamill@witches.town @grime_witch@witches.town Whining is what I deal with most. When they don't get their way, when something unexpected happens, when something bad but unimportant befalls them and they begin crying to both deal with their emotions and see if they can get you to change reality for them without asking, that kind of crying must be endured.

@grime_witch@witches.town @benhamill@witches.town Sad crying for legitimate reasons, disappointments, etc. are rarer than whining and tantrums. Don't go straight for derailment here. Sit down with them, help them calm down and talk through it, let them feel heard, let them feel like their problems and feelings matter. Once you've talked through it then you can derail their attention to something fun. This is really important, though. Listen to them and don't derail too early.

@benhamill@witches.town @grime_witch@witches.town And once the problem is no longer a real problem, you derail them. Ask non-sequiturs. Tell them you need their help with drawing the sun because you don't know how. Say something to gently push their train of thought off the, "I have no chill and I must cry" track. Trick them into forgetting about the thing they were crying about by showing them something fun completely unrelated to the crying.

@grime_witch@witches.town @benhamill@witches.town With that said, it depends on the crying. If my kids (3yo and 5yo) hurt themselves, I usually don't react immediately or show that I'm scared because they take visual cues from you on how they think you think they should react, but if it's obviously a serious injury I swoop in with hugs and comfort.

@benhamill@witches.town @grime_witch@witches.town I can only answer as a parent, so your mileage may vary depending on your relationship and responsibility to the kids.

In general, crying from kids should be handled in a combination of 3 ways: Derail, Discipline (you), Discipline (them).

Derail their train of thought to something fun/silly.

Discipline yourself to chill and take the necessary time and care to create a teaching moment.

Discipline them to teach what isn't acceptable behavior.

Democrat Platform for Guaranteed Victory in 2018 and 2020:
-Investing in renewable energy
-Push Universal Health Care
-Push Universal Basic Wage
-Marijuana Legalization
-Change national anthem to Chubby Checker and the Fat Boys' "The Twist"

@masklayer @Efi :notes: I can feel something inside me say, "I really don't think you're gay enough" nooo:notes:

@grime_witch@witches.town Gotcha, let me go eat lunch and then I'll finish up my essay for you.

@grime_witch@witches.town I've written several paragraphs in response to this but I figured I should check in and see if the question was rhetorical or if you really wanted advice before dropping multitoot responses on you.

Ewan Mcgregor's rendition of Your Song in Moulin Rouge is the best rendition fight me

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