sexuality
hm, i always kind of suspected that i was demisexual, but with some caveats
but looking more into it, i'm realizing it actually fits really, *really* well?
i've never really interacted with lewd concepts in the same way as people around me--but i definitely still had a libido
but the things that make it happen are almost exclusively aesthetics, and even when someone wants to have sex with me, i'm still hesitant, and almost rather not doing that except within these aesthetics
sexuality
hearing that people fantasized about others was confusing, because that sort of thing simply never happened to me
it still doesn't
but i'm also not ace--i do like the idea of sex, even if it's not even close to the forefront of my sexuality
it turns out, that's actually what being demi can mean--and my previous self exclusion was just gatekeeping because i didn't want to invade a space where i still kinda suspect i'm not welcome
sexuality
growing up, i heard a lot of things about hormones, and eventually being attracted to people
and that did happen! but not even remotely in the sexual way that everyone around me experienced it. it was mostly me liking the idea of having a really close friend who would always be there with me!
i mean, i did still get horny, but never towards anyone. instead the targets were the ideas of fetishes that were initially so confusing for me
i was horny, but i didn't want to sex anyone