the movement of a pendulum is described by the force of gravity and the potential and kinetic forces on its weight. it is constrained by the metal rod of fixed length holding it to the fulcrum around which it swings.

what defines me? what forces define me?

i am described by the gravity of my physical needs and the potential and kinetic forces of my struggle to fulfill them. i am constrained by the monetary rod holding me to a fulcrum about which i am swung.

money flows into and out of me like motion on a puck of metal; i am pulled by forces external to me; like a puck of metal, i cannot act upon myself; i'm left swinging; i know when i come to a standstill is when the bills stop.

like a puck of metal, i feel like my shape doesn't matter as much as what can be extracted from me. i want to be my shape. i want to loop around the fulcrum. i want to exist beyond phase space. i want to create. i want to scream. i want to sleep. i want to care and be cared for. i want to cut this fucking rod out of me.

i remain swinging.