recent aftershave critique, weird genital reference
...it can best be described as "CASK STRENGTH CIS MALE" and is an unnervingly "dehydrated-piss-golden-yellow" in color; it should probably be diluted ten-fold. I open the cap and two muscled, hairy FISTS OF MANLINESS punch me in the nose. Putting this stuff on is like GETTING MY FACE SLAPPED WITH A MASSIVE SPICY COCK that leaves a STAMP like a GODDAMNED GIANT PORTOBELLO MUSHROOM in it's wake.
God, I'd rather use plain astringent on my face.