Mental Health, Capitalism, Workplace, Trans-worry
So those of you that know me or have known me for a long while probably know I've been on HRT for a good long while.
Even before HRT.. long hair, wearing it down and not in generic tech dude pony tail and some not masculine signalling colors often got people to Ma'am, refer to me with feminine pronouns etc.
So I've been on HRT for a bit over 6 years... with a clean shave (stupid dark facial hair under my nose) people regularly have no idea what I am... outside of work... while I kinda hate the Biblical Origins of my chosen name.. it works well, gender neutral (Which pleases me. Nobody fucking knows if Sam is short for Samuel or Samantha so.. HA) which pleases me.
Anyway where am I going with this.
I'm working on some series health related changes to my life... weight loss being a big one.
As I start to lose abdominal fat... it will be increasingly difficult to hide that fact that I have significant breast tissue and I'm not fucking binding... did not fucking start HRT 6 years go to start binding.
So yes... I work in Tech... but I'm not a programmer.. I'm not a developer.
I'm an Ops person... (Technically... I guess I'm an Operations Engineer specializing in private cloud infrastructural [datacenter operations, management and linux stuff] and starting to transition into a SRE role focused on our public cloud infrastructure over the next year)
As a whole... my experience has been that OPS is pretty fucking dude bro the dudening.
There is not a single woman in my company's entire Operations division (Cloud Ops and Product Ops... there are lots women in our dev teams and Product Management but not Operations)
So where is this going. I want to change my legal name and gender. I'm fucking terrified for what this will mean for my career prospects.
I don't know how to reconcile this shit.