uhhhh you guys i think i might be autistic
autism, medical bureaucracy
on the one hand it would explain:
1. a lot of weird conversational habits i have
2. my various hypersensitivities
3. my near constant feeling of miscommunication with nearly everyone except very few friends and family members
4. my hyperfixations
5. my creepiness (i.e. totally not understanding social cues) back in high school and maybe today too
6. masking: a thing i only recently learned has a name but that i've been doing for years and calling "pretending to be normal and hoping i don't weird others out"
on the other hand: i'm pretty sure the only definition of autism that's accepted in this country is the....,,, classical one, let's call it, and is usually reserved for children only for some reason???? so idk how to even check if i'm right??????
re: autism, medical bureaucracy
my therapist (who i haven't seen in quite a while now actually) always just kinda dismissed this thought when i'd bring it up, but i think it actually gives pretty good answers to a lot of questions he's asked me over the years that i'd never had a good answer for before