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basically id rather die than do a traumatic and stressful and probably literally triggering experience this evening

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this, combined with the social exclusion that the preparations towards said experience have inadvertently emphasized, is, how shall i say? making me funging want to die already

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hello nonverbal episode following a failed attempt at doing the thing. this feels ridiculous. i can type but i can't make eye contact and i can't speak; and like ; wtf.

feeling like a small child being obstinate idk

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clarification: attempt was not suicide but rather being at a place where i was supposed to do a thing that's good for me

and then it triggered the heck out of every aspect of my funged up mind

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