wolfe but sad @wolfgang@awoo.space

i can only assume that most people who aren't me mostly want to be alive? at least that's the vibe i get from people being horrified when i say i want to die?

scrolling twitter reading about people who died in various accidents and thinking damn why them and not me

resisting the urge to crawl under my desk and curl up in a tiny ball

like i always suspected that's what i am to my """friends""" (all 4 who i still ever text with) and now i have it confirmed 🥳

a few(?) days(?) ago i was on the phone with a """friend""" talking about some stupid programming project and he just literally outright said "i could be talking to furries in vrchat right now so if you want me to stay you need to be worth it"

like WOW mask friggin OFF

i completely shut down after that. the conversation went on but i was totally disengaged and now i can't get myself to talk/text him again because i know that i'm probably his least attractive option for what to do at any given time

brain feels like a wet sponge and heart feels like a double bass drum and i literally can't get up from my chair and i want to die

fantasizing about a burglar coming into my room and begging for them to shoot me in the face but i live in too nice of a building for that to realistically happen and i'm preeeetty sure no neurotypical person would dare to shoot someone who's at their feet begging to be shot in between coughs and tears

can't believe i have covid and i'm not gonna die from it god damn it why did i even bother vaccinating shoulda stayed unvaxxed and died already

i wish i could've just kept lying in bed waiting to starve to death

i wish i wasn't afraid of ending up in a dirty unfunded hospital if i tried to commit suicide in any other way

i'm having such a shitty time coming to terms with the fact that i'll never have to body i wanted medically (of course) or appearance wise

ate for the first time in two days and it just feels like i gave up and i'm fat and ugly

good morning i want to be dead still

basically today was a shit day and i wish i was dead

@doubleDensity therapist: computers aren't real they can't hurt you

sense of smell and taste still with me

but now i have extremely loud snaps and crackles inside one ear whenever i swallow 😵😵😩😩

tangled mess of feelings and thoughts glued together that i can't separate or make sense of

i woke up but i'm still scared from my nightmares

not sure if my nose is congested or i'm gradually losing my sense of smell or both

me getting sick with covid is my punishment for thinking i could trust an untrustworthy person 🥳🥳🥳