wolfe but sad @wolfgang@awoo.space

i don't want any of this; i want everything to stop forever

the only things that matter to me in choosing my presentation are: 1. will men want to have sex with me, and 2. will i want to have sex with me

all else is irrelevant to my idiot brain 👍👍👍

this is definitely Fine and not a big internalized sexism in any way is it

all other demographics are 100% irrelevant and 100% nonexistent and my brain does not see their affirmations as relevant, worthwhile, or true

my self worth is directly correlated with how many affirmations i get from attractive men

but in reality the word "should" does not specify anything objective about a thing. it only specifies that subjectively, the speaker thinks a different state is more appropriate for the thing

i should just die already

i am attracted exclusively to neurotypicals who are not into to me and/or my gender/presentation

i don't get hardcover editions. why would i pay $10 extra for two pieces of cardboard that make the book more difficult to hold and read

the only way to make myself tolerable to other people is to resist every single urge i have and stop myself from saying anything i want to say and go full on make believe professional hollywood actor whenever i realize i'm expected to give an emotional reaction

i am insufferable

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running on gas fumes at this point

anyway i wish i died

i made and ate food for dinner that cannot be described as snacks

i'm insufferable when i unmask, and i'm starting to get why my toxic ex did what he did 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

i am, however, capable of feeling extremely guilty for mildly inconveniencing, hurting, and/or disappointing other people!

i'm not really capable of feeling happy/sad for others, but i've suffered negative consequences for not pretending, so i pretend every time

i'm genuinely relieved (and happy for others?? not sure i'm capable of that) every time someone decides i'm not worth it and goes off to live a life that's so much better thanks to not having me in it

no one in their right mind should ever want to be in any kind of relationship with me really and i'm tired of witnessing person after person grow sick of things i can't change only to inevitably free themselves of the burden that is me