wolfe but sad @wolfgang@awoo.space

kohélet is the perfect jewish text for a months-long existential crisis btw; highly recommended

went to the old city and the western wall. took that time to write in a journal, leave a note in the wall, and adamantly refuse offers for jewish missionary stuff, and read all of kohélet from my phone cause they had a billion prayer books but somehow no single old testament????

then i took a walk around the old city, and around mt zion, where there used to be a weird jewish cult that i read about in a book

at every turn i'm constantly reminded of how this city is split up into warring factions -- border police at some tram stops and at the western wall; bullet holes in the ancient city gates; old barbed wire fences on some buildings; a constant anxious thought in my head along the lines of "wait does this street lead to the Other part of the city? how will they take to a random israeli waltzing in like they own the place, wearing wolf ears and a long bushy tail? will something Bad happen to me if i go there?"

i packed extra layers, an e-reader, a notebook, and a phone charger in my backpack; wore my finest wolf-ears and -tail, and went to the train station; four minutes until my train

let's go to jerusalem

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🖼

i'll always be a stranger in a strange land

went out for food and a walk at 3 am but i still wish i was dead

anyway i'm feeling guilty for... *checks notes* taking up valuable fediverse tl real estate so i'll go back to feeling awful and watching youtube/tiktok

i will always be this way

i can't be anyone other than who i am and i am a terrible person

as usual

going around in circles

no new thoughts here