wolfe but sad @wolfgang@awoo.space

am i making sense? is my english slowly deteriorating from unuse? is everything in the world pointless? will my life forever remain an unremarkable mote of dust in a cold uncaring void of a universe?

waking up, doomscrolling through various human rights violations my country did and feeling numb; but then seeing a tweet about something bad that happened to a wolf and feeling sorry for it; and then i also get to feel bad for having no empathy towards humans, only fluffy predators

though you could argue the nightmares started when i first started dreaming at age 0 or whatever. but oh MAN those meds fucked me and my subconscious up

the nightmares originally started when i took some weird psychiatric medication last year, then got worse as i slowly stopped smoking weed, stayed the same when i stopped the weird psychiatric medication, and stayed mostly the same when i eventually started smoking weed again

i did things today and met family today but now all i wanna do is not exist; definitely not go to sleep and be trapped in nightmare land for 8 hours

it wouldn't help me DO the exercises, but it would at least help me REMEMBER which ones i should be doing?

i think i'm gonna make a poster to put on my bedroom wall

with the title "regular maintenance"

subtitle "if you don't schedule time off for maintenance, your equipment will schedule it for you"

and below that just a list of physiotherapy exercises i have to do regularly (and if i don't, weird aches start popping up again)

somethign something failing regime upcoming dictatorship uselessness of everything and even more so a project based on government-supplied-data like the one i'm currently working on etc etc etc

cause yknow whassapoint etc etc

we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming (literally programming) to bring you Suicidal Ideation!

whoops i made the mistake of looking at pictures of the band members oh well it was nice while it lasted

a few days ago i listened to a parquet courts album, with their lead singer doing his.... weird out of tune thing, with that very........ cishet sounding voice.....,, and,,,,, wow

to doctor said my eyes are ok 👍👍👍

it worked and i even managed to scrape myself off the bed enough time before i have to leave for my doctors appointment

it's 6:12 am and maybe i should wash the dishes and try that lying i bed hoping to ever fall asleep thing again

it might seem like an improvement that i usually do all my sleeping in one go instead of split up into several naps like back in 2019, but actually it's infinitely worse because i'm not only asleep during most office hours but also during most sunlight hours!!!!

good thing i have the creepy biometric data collecting computery device attached to my wrist at all times so i can objectively track exactly how fucked up my sleep schedule really is 🙃

ate a buncha cookies and made grilled cheese with ham at 5:30 am because i couldn't get myself to fall asleep at night

i wonder: did the allergy pills stop working or did i catch a cold from turning the ac 2 degrees lower than usual last night/morning/sleepytime

"worrying about things feels more fulfilling and productive than going to bed and having nightmares" -me, 4:44am