I had a month off between jobs that I feel like I utterly wasted.

I have gone off my SSRI in an attempt to get my libido back and have just become more emotional which is both good and a bad thing. This all might be an anxiety attack because of being reminded of bad things.

In this time off, I have felt so isolated. Everyone who I care about is so busy with their existing stuff and there is no space for me.

And my privilege makes me feel worse.

Mastodon has become my venting site because the people who have come here I trust more about all of this sort of stuff around mental health.

I talk to my therapist once a month and I feel fine there but then I have nights like this where I just completely fall apart.

I have to leave my chosen family for a week next week too and I'm dreading that.

During my time off I spent time trying out different things, especially a few days on music production which has always fascinated me.

But I have that mental thing where I spent so much time being praised by parents and everything has come so easy to me that any difficulty feels like an un-scalable wall.

So instead I keep doing the stuff I've been doing. Since it is easier to just stay there forever.