Xurnami, Hyena-dragon @xurnami@awoo.space

I've just deleted Twitter off my various devices in an attempt to stay sane.

Gods, I love girldick.

I'm going to post something here I'm probably going to regret. But I do not believe what is being said about glip and eeve. Decade old comments taken out of context and such do not make the case to me and kiwifarms being the source of all of it makes me distrust it.

It appears something has happened recently among a number of people in my local community. All I have is bits of gossip and hearsay flying around. I need to stay uninvolved because of my own issues but I worry about what is going on right now among all of these people who previously were large pillars of the community.

As an update, went to the doctor. Doctor said bump was just a cyst. He cleaned out my ear and said everything was good. So everything is good again. Anxiety is relieved.

Part of what makes this all worse is that my family conditioned me to never go to the doctor for anything. Not for financial reasons as we had money but because of narcissism.

I had athsma at 16 due to the shitty air quality where I lived and didn't get diagnosed until closer to 18 by it finally becoming too much. When I blew on the flow meter, it didn't move. This trauma tomy lungs makes colds like a two week long affair.

So after BLFC, I used a qtip wrong and pushed some earwax in. I've also had a bump under the skin behind my jaw on the right side. I finally messaged the doctor about these things and he told me to come in.

I am trying my hardest not too panic about worst case scenarios.

I’m getting to bed earlier than I’d like since I need to get up earlier than I’d like so I can do makeup and get into my most femme clothing so I can get to work early to spend all day in meetings with people from another company. A good portion of the above is to make an attempt at avoiding misgendering. There was a request made and I’m going to try and have people state pronouns at the start but who knows how that will go.

Good night all. And have a good day.

For those who are avoiding the thread due to the CWs, in short, I need hugs and something telling me everything is going to be okay.

I wish I had someone close to me in my bed right now to hug me and tell me that I'm going to be okay.

A couple more months until I have a house and that will be the case. It can't come sooner.

I wish there was someone in bed with me to help calm me down after that since now I'm super on edge.

I rarely remember my dreams but last night I went to a party with coworkers and had a couple of drinks. And then I have this. This is enough to have me totally swear off alcohol.

I just woke up from a dream. A very long one where I was at a furry con of some sort. I was trying to buy Grace a thing from a vendor which was mermaid themed. But they had the wrong stuff. They went to get it and then by the entrance someone came in with a gun and started shooting and I got hit. Last thoughts were “No, please” then black and then I woke up.

I heard the shooter’s name as https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anders_Behring_Breivik

The Chelsea Manning refrain of "We got this" is the most hopeful thing along those lines and a bunch of leftists tore her down for doing a thing one time.

I hate when I am reading a reasonable leftist take and then it quickly and without warning swings deeply into anxiety inducing discussions on things like climate change.

My trauma makes that hard to deal with and I have optimism that we will find a solution.

I wish, similar to what Contra said, that there was a more positive and optimistic leftism instead of one which consistently tells people to just not do things.

That kiwifarms exists is terrible. It should be removed from the internet. I don't care. It is a website infested with no-empathy people who ruin lives. Even the threads about people I dislike make me sick.

Never ever trust a sudden witch hunt as it tends to come from them these days.

I went from such an introvert to an extrovert with new clothing and hormones and such. And now I'm in my apartment alone with no one around, anxieties reaching new highs and just aaaagh.

I was doing some research about vlogging and was considering doing some myself but then I was like “no one would want to hear what I want to say or see my ugly face.”