that thing that just happened (++)
Hey hey.
THANK YOU. Thank you to everyone who I did get to talk to, and to everyone who offered. I am out of social spoons for now... but I might have a few more in the near future.
I heard a lot of what I needed to, finally got a lot of my worst fears debunked. For those of you who don't know the situation... basically, I had a dispute with two very old and dear friends and got kicked out of their lives. I've been reeling ever since.
that thing that just happened (++)
And it's been especially difficult because I REALLY DO NOT WANT to have bad feelings towards these people. They were my sisters, and still are. I still love them.
But you know how healing goes after something like this. In the absence of hard information, you tell yourself whatever you need to in order to cope. I found myself starting to think some real unflattering stuff, about myself and them, and it was... not who I wanted to be.
that thing that just happened (++)
It felt like nothing positive was happening. I was being told over and over again I just needed to be patient and accept the others involved in this had much longer reset times. But nothing was happening, and it was starting to feel like I was being asked to wait, without feedback, for eternity.
I finally got up the nerve to ask some direct questions, and got the evidence I needed that good things could still happen someday. Frankly... that's all I needed
that thing that just happened (++)
And you know, since I've already gotten a decent share of my work done for this morning, I am gonna enjoy this newfound sense of emotional unencumbrance and go for a completely random walk in the sun.
And I'm going to make a point of smiling at at least one stranger, because I CAN again.
that thing that just happened (++)
I'd also been feeling a little lonely again, and projecting my personal guilt over the blow-up with these two onto my interactions with EVERYONE.
Rationally, the evidence pointed to "schmuck, people still like you fine -- you're just reclusive and overly used to having friends come to YOU, because you just moved out of a social nexus." But I couldn't be rational. There had just been too much collateral damage to my sense of who and what I am. :|