Yay, they did a full retinal exam and it looks like it was just what I'd hoped, a posterior vitreous detachment (i.e. a natural aging sign) that is actually happening pretty cleanly, without any complications. Retina is looking pretty good, definitely no tears or serious detachment risks.

Only thing that is stressing me out a bit is that they found a "very mild" warp in my left macula— but when they noticed how anxious I was about it, they upgraded it (with evidence) to "extremely mild." It's basically just a couple of so-called "drusen," fatty deposits that I think they already found in my last retinal exam and had said were just a "keep an eye on it" thing.

Also, this is so great: I apparently have what is called... brace yourself... a "tigroid fundus." Peggy looked it up and insists it just means that I have a stripe-like tesselated pattern of blood vessels, and it's of no real consequence except mild protection against certain eye disorders. I am still adamant that it means I have THE BESTEST KIND and it gives me magical powers to detect and track tasty things. 🐯​🐯​🐯​

Only real bummer is I'm out $200, but I think this was $200 of sanity and relief... Still a little nervous about not having insurance for a month, but whatevs. I have credit cards and a cute, lovable sadface.