Just got through "Promise," the one where Adora and Catra have to run together through a maze of holographic memories of the two of them as happy kids—right after Catra betrayed She-Ra good and hard.

Obviously, big feels there. Big "how the fuck did Seattle go so wrong and how did my sisters and I end up hating each other" feels.

And you know, we all try to cast ourselves as the hero. When I finished, sitting there reeling from the ending, I reflexively tried to put myself in the place of Adora, the one who got betrayed.

But nah. Appropriately enough, I guess... I was Catra. I was always second best. Kristy would say her money and status didn't matter, but... over and over, in subtle and unsubtle ways, they did.

She was generous to a fault to me, maybe a little too generous. If it was easy to give me something, she gave it. If it was difficult, she gave it, and she told me it didn't matter... but it did. It always did. And she could be so damn critical of me, doings things like cutting me down for my lack of financial knowledge, not remembering *I had never had her kind of money, nor the promise of an inheritance like hers, in my damned life*. And the guessing games, trying to get her to show my one way or the other if it was really true, that I should trust my hunch that she lost all patience and respect for me ages ago, drove me to madness and fury.

It felt like there was not a damn thing I could do to be important to her. The only things that seemed to go down on my permanent record were the mistakes. I could get anything I wanted there except for her love, her interest, or her forgiveness.

And one day, after we fought... I scratched her. (Metaphorically, of course. Loud and tantrummy though I could get, the only one I really ever offered any violence to was myself.)

Just like a damned ungrateful cat. Like an ungrateful, scared, starving cat who was starting to feel more like a pet than a friend. To be fair, that stupid bunny batted at my tail one too many times. I was tired of her using her intellectual prowess, her superior composure and presence of mind, and her stubbornness a a wall of force against me. I was tired of being told I had to come at her with facts and reason to get taken seriously, and then told I was playing too rough when I called her bluff and took her up on it. It was going to end up in tears sooner or later.

And you know what?

I'd still throw her the damned sword. I'd probably push her out of the way of a falling rock. But just like Catra with Adora... it would be to get back the hell out of my life as fast as possible. I want her to be happy, healthy, and way the fuck out of my path.

But if she ever comes back to take away any of the things I've earned, since I lost her dubious protection and proved—despite her best-intentioned, most-stifling attempts to protect me—I could make it on my own... Yeah. I might be tempted to just let her fall. She's just lucky Martians have a sense of noblesse oblige that Catra doesn't. I'll be happy enough to just give her the Cut Sublime* and pretend we never knew each other.

MUSICAL SELECTION: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbb5mSomdV8

* The Cut: https://regencyredingote.wordpress.com/2013/09/27/the-cut-the-ultimate-final-social-weapon/amp/