MH (~-)
I often wonder if life is /supposed/ to feel like nothing but a series of ordeals that must be endured.
I feel like I'm just surviving, barely, and there's nothing resembling thriving. No nourishment at all, even the things that are supposed to be 'fun'.
re: MH (~-)
@Phorm This is how I've dealt with it, but I'm not sure how reproducible it is:
1) see dead father on a hospital slab at age 11
2) go through a seven-year religious phase that ends with realizing there's nobody behind the wheel at all
3) read Camus at 16; think far, far, far too much about it
4) develop an all-pervading anxiety disorder that's got you convinced at age N that you're surely be dead by N+5
5) treat every single day of your life like an unexpected bonus round, with zero grand long-term plans and zero expectations
6) read a lot about and learn to admire raccoons, who somehow manage to scrabble obsessively at their desires despite the likelihood that they'll spend most of their lives with parasites and die in a trash compactor somewhere
7) pile up so many instances of having your heart broken and your pleasures suddenly yanked tantalus-like away from you that you finally convince yourself another one will come along someday, but not to get too attached to it, because it'll perish just like the rest and that's actually kind of fine
8) get a good creative partner and focus on at least leaving some damn thing behind
Kids, don't try this at home. I am a professional nihilist.
