social media, illusion, delusion, tangential uspol/genderpol
For the most part, I'm having a good time since I returned to Birdsite. It's a guilty pleasure, this place still feels... purer... but I admit I am really enjoying being within yelling range of Trump cultists and TERFs.
But I found myself getting down on myself because I had twice as many follows than I did followers. Was it something wrong with me? Why was it so much easier when I was @CabbitAnalytics back in '16?!
Well...
social media, illusion, delusion, tangential uspol/genderpol
...I went through my follow list, and almost everyone who wasn't following me back was either (a) an artist who didn't know me, who I was watching purely as a fan (b) a friend who hasn't touched Twitter in ages or (c) an organization instead of a single person.
There was no problem at all with me. Total illusion. And I am embarrassed and ashamed I let it get to me like that. But i'm still finding it damnably hard to make connections.
social media, illusion, delusion, tangential uspol/genderpol
@zebratron2084 It is never as easy as it once was, when your memories are now singed with damage and trauma... you didn't have these things back then, nor the expectations...
Newly discovering like-minded, or at least similarly-minded folks back then, and all the new experiences that came with it, was the fuel.
... now the empty fuel canisters are just weight until they can be filled up again.
It's not you, honey.
It just is.
social media, illusion, delusion, tangential uspol/genderpol
@JulieSqveakaroo Thanks, roo. It's still hard not to worry that I haven't pissed everybody off and they just wouldn't tell me—given that's exactly how my last big social blow-up happened. But... yeah. You make a really, really good point. I love you all, and I'm sure it's mutual in most cases... but we can't pretend this is all new and exciting anymore. We've, collectively, seen it all. *hug*
