I feel like I'm running around in a little cage every day. Nothing in my immediate world is especially bad, but it feels like nothing really *good* will ever happen again. Like all I can do from here is watch myself decay, and watch everything that promised any kind of transcendence in my life just... fade further away. More and more of my sources of pleasure burn out every year. I spend more time working, playing video games, and eating, and watching TV. My brain just feels more and more ashen and ossified. And I could list so many things I've tried that just don't WORK for me anymore: sex, drugs, alcohol, RP, waterparks, roller coasters, social media, conversation, friends, daydreaming, my increasingly silent headfriends... Every attempt just lets me map a little bit more of the burnout. And it feels like it extended everywhere. And I don't even feel like I have the right to complain, because other people are suffering large. And because I still have Peggy and a great job and a lot of freedom. And stealth---the utter freedom from having to stand up for any of my gender variance or lose a bit of my privilege by actually fucking doing anything about it. I am, in essence, a coward with my head stuck in the sand, wishing the meteor would finally strike me in my fat exposed ass and give me what I deserve.