mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
Loosely speaking, my life right now is all about "losing out on the safety of a mediocre amount of serotonin, in the pursuit of the joys of just a bit too much serotonin."
I miss the small regulated reserve of serotonin I had. It's really weird to go back to the flaky, twitchy state of mind I was in when last unmedicated *with the permission* of the only person who matters.
Short version: we finally pinned the slow death of my libido on my citalopram prescription and dammit I really missed not only fucking, but the imaginative drive I used to get from actually being able to feel anything at all from my kinks on an emotional level.
We'll see how it goes. For now, all I can say is we have our dealer showing up tomorrow, cannabis basically cures ALL the above issues and I'm still so angry it's not legal, it's much more effective when I'm off my other less actually helpful "meds", and I intend to enjoy the hell out of fucking Peggy in a dreamstate for as much of the weekend as possible, preferably in a headspace that's not "mine" vis a vis the human dullard on my driver's license.
mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
fwiw, I am considering working with my psychiatrist to taper off escitalopram for equivalent reasons. Bupropion seems to work better for me than escitalopram ever did, but of course I've only ever tested bupropion + escitalopram, not just bupropion.
Bupropion has been _superb_ at treating the side effects of the SSRIs, as well as boosting my mood. The SSRI does more to keep me on an even keel, though. So maybe I still need both; I think I should try tapering off to find out, though.
Brain chemical engineering is hard.
re: mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
@kistaro yeah, sadly i was getting some results from Buproprion + Citalopram, but there were massive insurance complications last year and i wasn't able to ask for a dosage increase to see if I could get it the rest of the way >_<
my long term looks bright, though -- got all new snazzy insurance from work and while i still have to start from scratch, it should be a LOT easier getting this stuff dealt with this time around!
re: mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
@JulieSqveakaroo @zebratron2084 For me, the something different is bupropion (AKA Wellbutrin) and fountain pens. That last part may be a little idiosyncratic but maybe not? Writing and journaling are popular and effective mental health tools.
re: mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
I'm very reasonably certain that the anxiety is turning into depression, and not the other way around, for me, so I'm needing to try something that focuses more on that.
It has been impossible over the last few years to determine if meds were doing anything to my depression, because the world has been on fire, and meds don't fix that.
re: mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
@kistaro @JulieSqveakaroo My anxiety journal's been an absolute godsend. *nod*
re: mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
@zebratron2084 @JulieSqveakaroo yeah, same here. Journaling (and, for me, the act of physically writing with a good pen on fountain pen paper) has done much more to help me with anxiety (specifically) than SSRIs or a therapist did.
re: mh, neurochemistry (~), why i've been flaky and temperamental*, likely sex/kink TMI
@zebratron2084 @kistaro
The escitalopram, honestly, doesn't seem to be doing a thing for me... and it's been really difficult to lock that down, but regardless of the dosage increase/decrease/or skips, it hasn't been cutting down either anxiety or depression.
I need to try something different.