It's weird. Since I went off my meds, my mood issues have been Whoops All Anxiety! As in... little or no depression.

I _like_ me for the most part, despite a lingering "Bojack Lite" undercurrent of regret, for all the people I've accidentally hurt. I am the least suicidal I've been in my adult life. I would fight tooth and nail to keep all this.

I just can't stop thinking about losing it all, everything from my eyesight (there are some valid reasons *sigh*) to those beautiful, sweet cats. And my parents. Am I just at a lossy point in my life-- one with something substantial to lose, finally-- or what?

I've got plans. I've even got Goddamn Furry Plans, which are the best kind of unwise plan. I will probably also do conventional therapy once COVID is sorted and it's less emotionally costly to go to a clinic.

But yeah, it's all kinda hitting me hard right now... and yet is still far, far closer to manageable than I expected. The payback in emotional vividness, creative urges, libido, and general *weirdness* glimmering back in here is still worth it. I really needed this break, and i needed to watch the wheels spin unobstructed for a while.

This would still be so much easier if this were a legal cannabis state. >___<