in the not too distant tiger
next tiger ad
there was a tiger named rez
not too tiger from you or me
she worked at the tiger institute
just a tiger face in a tiger suit
she did a good job tigering up the place
but the humans didn't like her so they shot her into space
we'll send her crazy tigers
the worst we can find
she'll have to sit and rule them all
and that actually suits her fine
now remember the empress* doesn't know
when her empire begins or ends
so she naps on Mons Olympus
waiting for her tiger friends
tiger roll call
miss bitey
hobbes junior
montecore ii
striiiiiipes
if you're wondering why all evidence says
she's just some guy from earth
just repeat to yourself it's mastodon
and don't be a nitpicky jerk
for martian tiger theater 3000