One really nice thing about this stage of my life: when I see someone interesting, my first impulse isn't "OH MY GOD HOW DO I GET THIS PERSON TO LIKE ME? OH GOD, THEY'D PROBABLY HATE ME."

It's totally OK that there are people who look very interesting and I will never get to meet and never need to impress. This took a long time to get to.

I've largely kicked the esteem habit. Four out of six cats and one out of one dragons LOVE me. What more could I ask for?

It also helps that the urge was partly fueled by a desperate longing to find anyone who shared my kinks or my weird outlook on the world so I could feel less LONELY.

And I don't feel lonely. I have you folks here every day, mostly just being chill and letting me be a big fiesty tiger who's *probably* never even gonna get around eating anyone here.🐯​❤️​

So I can go out there to Birdsite and see some adorable pervert with electrodes in their sona's skull, or whatever, someone I would have NEEDED TO KNOW IMMEDIATELY back in 2005, and just go, "Huh. Neat kid. Glad to see the next generation. Good luck out there," and genuinely mean it and NOT FEEL THE NEED TO SLIDE INTO THEIR LIVES.

No more FOMO. It's awesome. My gunslinging days are over, nobody remembers my name, my revolvers are up on the wall, and they'll come down someday when I'm good and ready. It's... it's kinda NICE to be old and tired. :)