Stepdad had another episode but that's kind of a good thing. Turns out he probably has a mild arterial afibrillation that his previous cardios missed. They caught it on the monitor and are keeping him an extra day-- poor guy, he's so sick of this. They suspect they can fix it with some medication changes.

Me? I'm burnt out, nothing else to it. Been suctioning emotional and household resources from Peggy to deal with it, but I feel like I keep crawling into a bigger and bigger serotonin debt.

What I need is a real fucking vacation (as opposed to "seven days off generously granted because you're worried your wife and cats might drown"). None is forthcoming.

I could also really use a mental vacation, but I plowed through the last of our weed-- for which I also feel pretty guilty. Last night, just the idea of poking my head up from the mundanity for just a moment felt so tempting.

I dunno. I miss feeling like an alien humming along on some weird psychic plane, instead of... some fat depressed hairy guy who does geo research for a living.

@zebratron2084 Gads, I'm sorry. I hope there's some nourishing days ahead for you.

@Austin_Dern You too, hun. I admit I've been pretty lucky in terms of the basics, especially compared to a lot of folks down here.

I'm just tired of being on the edge of a crying jag. It's like, DO IT OR DON'T, BRAIN.