micro fanfic; potentially very unfunny; i blame the vaxx symptoms
ARCHER [impatiently strangling a security guard]: OK, buddy, just go to sleep. Go to sl... god dammit, go down, you big baby. It's just a sleeper hold, it's never killed anybody.
LANA: Uh, Sterling? Choke holds kill a lot of people. Especially young BLACK people.
ARCHER: Oh. Seriously? I feel kinda bad now. I've been doing a lot of those. Mostly white people, though.
LANA: This poor guy's probably got brain damage.
ARCHER [laughing]: THIS guy? Come on, Lana, he's like fifty and he's still working as a security guard. I don't think we lost a great mind here.
LANA: Fifty? The guy's not a day over thirty.
ARCHER: No way. Hey, buddy, you coming around? How old are you? Probably fifty?
[He's dead.]
ARCHER: Oh. Well, crap. Sorry, buddy. Lesson learned.
LANA: See?!
ARCHER: Well, I'd never really stuck around to check. I just kinda assumed they'd, you know, go to sleep. I mean, who the hell puts someone in a sleeper hold and just... hangs out with 'em?!
LANA: Dammit, Archer.
ARCHER: Oh, but mostly white people. That I've been, you know, "holding." Is that the proper terminology?
LANA: We should really get outta here.
ARCHER: Lotta Russians. Is that still racist?
LANA: Now.
ARCHER: Wait. [examining the dead guard's ID card] YOU'RE THIRTY-SIX? Buddy. I am so sorry. [sniffling] YOU HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL.
LANA: Jesus Christ. Could I at least get you to leave him his wallet?
ARCHER: [pause] Hard pass.
re: micro fanfic; potentially very unfunny; i blame the vaxx symptoms
(this is the first scene that's come naturally to me in months and months, so i figured i might as well do it the courtesy of typing it out -- now, brain, could you maybe DO THAT FOR PARALLAX sometime soon?!?)