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depression, or at least a busted brain; vivid 

@makyo Ouch. >.< *hugs* I can related to that a little due to Dakota's depression issues. Just so your brain knows, even if it doesn't believe it right now, you're beautiful and kind and you deserve only happiness.

(RE: suicidal ideation, mine mostly comes through as "I will literally cut my own throat to escape this absolutely world-blinding pain." Total animal panic. Not sure if you get that one too.)

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