Zeta Syanthis @zetasyanthis@awoo.space

Hanging out with friends today really, really helped. I'm honestly not sure how safe my state of mind will be in the coming week, but I'm sure as hell glad I have such amazing support. >.<

Awoo! Small mental health update! Doing a bit better tonight, but still pretty tired. Going to spend some time with friends tomorrow. Think I really need that. >.<

Thank you for all the listening and support. I love you all more than ever.
-Zeta.

Working from home today to try and stay in the more stable mind-space therapy put me in. Probably the best decision I've made all week. >.<

Time to sleep. Thank goodness for kitties. >.<

Obviously, any support is welcome, but I recognize that we're all kind of up shit creek at the moment... :/

And I will post updates as things progress... hoping tonight was a turnaround point, but I don't know yet.

Had a really helpful therapy session tonight, which is good... until I follow that up by saying that I've had a hell of a lot of suicidal thoughts this week. >.< I'm stable, and I don't think I'm in any *immediate* danger, but this is pretty bad. We're talking "I caught myself fantasizing about ending my life" bad. D: I've never done that consciously, and that scares the hell out of me. D:

Okay, if we weren't living in the sci-fi future before, we definitely are now. This is fucking nuts. (It's also outrageously cool.) http://www.storagereview.com/wd_unveils_its_microwaveassisted_magnetic_recording_technology

Clarification to the clarification: That's a subconscious thing. Consciously, I know you guys do, but it doesn't help when you feel like you're bleeding out. >.<

Clarification: The "haven't been able to feel" thing was well described by my therapist. Can't really feel it because I can't trust that anyone actually cares about me. >.< (I've gotten glimpses, but no more than that.)

Forgot to post #MentalHealthAwarenessDay, but I have a couple minutes left.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so bad I have suicidal ideation on a near-daily basis. Haven't been able to actually feel anyone caring about me for... I don't even know how long. (Finally starting to make progress, though, thank goodness. >.<)

There's other stuff too, like that leading to some serious depression, etc, but that one's the knife in my heart.

It's not like it fixes everything, but good god does it help. >.<

That feeling when you had a really terrible day, but your friends still made you smile at the end of it. :)

Saw a meme re: What five movies you'd show a potential significant other to explain what kind of person you are. Thought it cool enough to share here.

Here's my five:
Read or Die OVA
Children of Dune
Amadeus
Sintel
Ladyhawke
Equilibrium (Yes, I'm a troublemaker and added a sixth. Sintel is short. :D)

I've made a lot of progress, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give up right now, but anxiety is such a bitch it's unbelievable.

Gods, but there are still days where all I want to do is crawl into a ditch and die. >.<

Anxiety completely handing me my ass right now. >.< No idea why, just total white noise shaking overload. >.<

TFW kinda done with the day, but not remotely tired... and would really just like to instantly power down and wake up in the morning.