mh, social, -
grf, feeling like I just can't do social interaction right and I mean, it was entirely my fault this time I just. wasn't thinking and I don't know, I came off as really rude and
how do I get myself to understand that unsolicited explanations of things are not something most people welcome
I know they're not but I still feel that urge to explain things and I know I shouldn't but I don't realize that I shouldn't until well after actually doing the thing
re: mh, social, -
I just. I'm not trying to be rude it just legitimately doesn't occur to me that it's rude, it feels like I'm being helpful
how do I internalize that I should not do that
re: mh, social, -
@packbat this was more, someone making a joke off of an error message their computer gave, and I thought "oh that's a rare error to see but it relates to neat inner workings of processors" and wanted to talk about the neat inner workings of processors and just, didn't occur to me that that would come across as rude until I was (rightly) called out on it and now I just feel like a dick
re: mh, social, -
@Felthry *nods*
I think "they're making a joke" is another good special case to watch for, at least? like, just assuming automatically that anyone making a joke probably knows all the technical details is probably a good heuristic
(sometimes on here I'll put in a CW that acknowledges this - like, "totally distracted by the error message because I LOVE THAT ERROR MESSAGE" or something - to make it clear that I'm not actually trying to make them look dumb, I'm just kapwinging off on my own tangent...)
also, sympathies sympathies - that kind of social faux pas is really hard emotionally
re: mh, social, -
@Felthry I kinda had that issue and can give advice if wanted?
re: mh, social, -
@Brainship I'd love advice, thank you
re: mh, social, -
@Felthry it’s kinda training yourself to ask. I found a script helps?
‘Is it okay if I explain/offer help with this thing?—I know about it, but want to check you’d be okay with it’
...which I’m not gonna say doesn’t require practice to get used to doing.
It took me a while to train myself to do this, and I still forget—but I know generally I can ask folks first most the time now.
(My issue was more offering advice unsolicited or help, so similar enough I feel I can offer some advice?)
re: mh, social, -
@Felthry idk I feel like mostly there was like ... a switch flipped in my head and I started hesitating more before I spoke? but that's not really advice
something that helps me sometimes is to be paying attention to when someone might want validation of their feelings? like, sometimes, the most valuable thing for them to hear is "yes, that sucks"
and, like, when that's the case, you can interrupt your explanation to say that (or just say that if that manages to come to mind first)
I think that would work for that special case