we're only barely able to keep on top of laundry enough to have something to wear each day

many days we can't even manage to take a proper shower

vacuuming is a once in a blue moon thing

we can't even use non-paper dishes because they'll end up in the sink for ages and then get thrown out when they go moldy because mysophobia means that moldy things, even after being cleaned of mold, aren't usable to us

we just

can't keep on like this
-F

i just

feel like we need to do something about this

but i don't know what, or how, or anything

we could really use some kind of advice, or at least knowing that someone is listening
-F

@Felthry the answer is probably related to being nt

@Felthry *offer hugs*

it sounds like y'all're really overwhelmed and it's really hard

when did y'all start the job? is it possible to take a week off? it really feels like y'all're having a bad time, especially lately

- 🎒💧

@packbat we started a little over a year ago, and are currently in the negative on accumulated time off due to taking a week off about two months ago that didn't really help at all
-F

@Felthry *nods*

*hugs?*

do y'all have the income to, like, pay for laundry service or maid service? take some things off y'all's plate?

- 🎒 💧

(also using disposable plates for executive function purposes is super valid - we're glad y'all're doing the thing that helps y'all)

@packbat yeah we're trying to set that up and have been for months--sending emails and scheduling things is one of those things that requires a lot of Effort that we really can't spare

we have an initial visit this thursday though
-F

@Felthry 🌟

good to hear that y'all're making progress on something hard that'll help y'all

continued sympathies on the struggles

- 🎒

@Felthry

i know you worry about losing the job and understand that fear but you can't keep pushign yourselves like this. you really need to ask for a shortened schedule before you burn out completely -s4

@Felthry

we're extremely worried about you b/c it feels like you're pushing yourself to the breaking point for fear of changing anything or not doing "enough"

@nautilee @Felthry I'm also extremely worried. You don't sound overwhelmed to me, you sound burned out but not aware of it.

I'm glad you're trying to hire people to handle some chores. I believe you do need time to yourself, and time to do nourishing things, and the sooner the better.

Like, I believe if you have sick time, or vacation time, you should take it *now*.

@Austin_Dern @nautilee unfortunately we are in the negative on vacation time after taking a week off like two months ago for this exact problem, which didn't seem to help any
-F

@Austin_Dern @nautilee we have some sick time but like... we're not sick? i don't think we're allowed to use it when we're not sick
-F

@Felthry @Austin_Dern

Because temporary time off doesn't solve the underlying issue, that you're just flat out working too much.

@nautilee @Felthry @Austin_Dern

This, especially. It might qualify for short-term disability or a sabbatical at this point.

@nautilee @Felthry @Austin_Dern

Everything about this is telltale autistic burnout, too.

@Felthry @nautilee I'm afraid I don't understand 'negative' here; do you mean you had (say) three vacation days and used five, or do you mean the boss has warned they'll give no more time off for the near future?

I would think seriously about taking even unpaid time off now, though, because what you describe seems to me unsustainable.

@Austin_Dern @nautilee the former, we had three days off and took five (the numbers are probably different i don't remember)
-F

@Austin_Dern @nautilee i don't know if unpaid time off is a thing we can do
-F

@Felthry @nautilee OK. And I don't mean to order you around. That you've been exhausted so long a time, with no hints of relief, seems critical to me. I *think* you need time off now, and pressure off you at work. It may be useful to check the written policies to see what you can do to get relief.

@Austin_Dern @nautilee the problem is that for us, *being present at work and expected to do work* is too much pressure, at least for that length of time

i don't know if anything short of a shorter work week would help
-F

@Felthry @nautilee It could be that would! When my old job was an office job I was ruined going in five days a week. Arranged a switch to three days, ten hours a day, so I could also adjunct-instruct at a community college, and suddenly I was alive again.

@Felthry the traditional method to handling this was to have an X hour workweek, and a stay-at-home wife to manage all the house chores and also manage the social lives of both partners. There's a lot of stuff in society that only works when there's plenty of unpaid labor propping it up, and falls apart otherwise.