One of the many things that arrived at Gateway during the holidays was a selection of patterned stretchy scarves that can be worn multiple ways. Face Mask, Do-rag, headband, neck warmer. They also work as a pretty serviceable hijab. The pattern of the one that ended up wrapped around my head isn't exactly... reverent or modest.

But, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked unequivocally feminine, even with the stubble that feels like is getting more out of control with every week, no matter how much I shave (bodies suck and are horrible. The level of maintenance h. sapiens requires is the biggest indictment of Intelligent Design ever, and you can @ me if you want, I'm right.)

So after staring at myself like a blind Narcissus who just had his sight restored, I started using my imagination. It went something like this: (cont)

Them: Are you a Muslin?

Me: No, just trans with chronic and debilitating self-esteem issues. This helps a little.

Them: You fucking freak *insert racist/TERF-y/bigoted/boomer rant* Take it off, and hold still while I beat you for being scary and damaging to my narrow-minded world view.

Me: I just came here to have a good time and I'm feeling so attacked right now.

I think I looked kinda pretty wearing it though. And I think it was because in my own history, veils and headscarves like that have always been tracking-tagged "feminine"

I don't want to be disrespectful, or appropriative. Anyone who knows me probably gets that. But the people who don't know me VASTLY outnumber the people who do, and some of them are fucking scary and the worst of them are violent.

Getting some outside reassurance from... i dunno who would be an issuing authority on this. Maybe I should find a trans-accepting mosque and just ask.