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Ahhhh.
It is so very nice to be fully medicated again. (For everybody around me, too, I'm sure. n.n)
Calmer, better able to manage bosses and stressors, awake and functional for the first eight hours of the day - and being able to metabolize sugars fully once more does help keep the little grey cells turning over.
As stressful as abruptly pausing meds for money reasons is, the resurgence of system stability once I'm back on them is *almost* worth the discomfort.
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@emanate Oh ghods that part is the worst. Zugswang. Do I stay sane(r) at the cost of my physical longevity, or do I keep my body healthy(ier) at the risk of being at the mercy of my unmedicated mind? Maybe if I reduce the psych meds to half dose I can scrape through without a full psychotic break, just brain zaps, dysthemia and hours every day of mental self vivisection. Or physical meds: diabetes or blood pressure, stroke or heart disease, spin the wheel and place your bets...
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@emanate (And the meta game of the psych meds, of course, is: unmedicated I'm a dick. Being an unmedicated dick has cost me jobs. If I lose this job, and the health insurance with it, then I can't afford *any* meds. But... if I get too physically ill to work, there is a provision in the insurance for long-term disability. So the psych meds are, in one way, more essential than even the insulin to my long-term survival.)
(I don't even like thinking about how precarious this is.)
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@emanate ((which is all a very self-focussed way of saying I am very sorry to hear that you know this game too. *hugs*))
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@Momentrabbit Many sympathies there; I just got back some of my meds after having to pause them for money reasons too. And I've had to do that multiple times. I really hate having to pick and choose. :-/